Meat Depot Annual Conference
The last speech you'll ever hear!
January was the first draft…February was the dress rehearsal, now April is the actual keynote speech! Just get a meat-full of this… Read along with bloodshot eyeballs, or burst your eardrums from our silky smooth baritone CEO, Fenzk Nilizant!
Introducing…The Meat Man™! Meat Depot is thrilled to reanimate this horrifying creature into existence! The Meat Man has new and exciting features for 2024! Sharper meat teeth for superior gnawing power! Sturdier meat feet for ultimate lethargy! Longer meat stick for — I mean — arm! There’s two of ‘em! The Meat Man is evil dead! The Meat Man is criminally insane! The Meat Man is devoured by vermin! The Meat Man is the son of Meatwad! The Meat Man is the father of Super Meat Boy! The Meat Man can be you with enough hustle, loyalty, and respect! The Meat Man drives The Meat Van! The Meat Man drives The Meat Van owned by Meat Depot! The Meat Man markets human meat to carnivorous ghouls and goblins! The Meat Man is the block captain of Drury Lane! The Meat Man has an exclusive contract with the Muffin Man! The Meat Man bakes Meat Depot meat into The Muffin Man’s muffins! The Meat Man’s only natural prey is Pacman! The Meat Man turns the ghosts red like the blood he shall soon spill! The Meat Man and Ms. Pacman turn Pacman into a cuckold on the final level! The Meat Man’s only natural predator is Slenderman! The Meat Man locks The Meat Van’s doors when he drives through Slenderman’s hood! The Meat Man carries a loaded Meat Pistol for if and when the day comes! The Meat Man and The Hat Man are a notorious duo! The Meat Man and The Hat Man are Benadryl’s mascots! The Meat Man and The Hat Man are in your room, just standing there, menacingly! The Meat Man dislikes the number of ‘men’ in the Justice League! The Meat Man becomes the chief and rebrands to The Just Meat League! The Meat Man court-martials Superman, Batman, and Aquaman without due process! The Meat Man claims that The Egg Man is not a walrus but a little bitch! The Meat Man challenges The Egg Man on UFC 300! The Meat Man puts The Egg Man in a rear naked chokehold until he goes goo goo a’joob! The Meat Man is a vassal of Meat Depot! The Meat Man is forever loyal to Meat Depot! The Meat Man is the triumph of Meat Depot! The Meat Man…exclusively from Meat Depot! Embrace The Meat Man Effect! Now…let’s get bloody!
But wait! Make sure you grab your commemorative broadside!
Ahahahah isn’t it wonderful? Just wait until Behold, Infinite Fire drops…