Pain, agony even
Even the freshest meat spoils
It has been a very bleak summer for my writing. Nothing has come easy. Anything that has arrived is meagerly pushing things forward. The fields of publication are meagerly sustaining me. Today, however, is the culmination of pain, agony even. As I tear a notebook asunder, this will be all off-the-cuff.
My publisher for the BEHOLD INFINITE FIRE chapbook has gone defunct for personal reasons. That means to all you meatheads that The Meat Man, and all the heavy metal antics, are no longer happening. First round of depresso shots on me!
THE MEAT MAN IS DEAD! (2022-2024)
Also, the whole J-Man story call was way below my expectations. 3 on the day, and 1 arriving weeks later due to an error. I was very sidetracked in general with life and it’s already well over a month since it happened. I’m out of gas and my mind is not the same as when I promoted it. While I thank those who did send me something, I regretfully am canceling the project. More depresso shots…no, not comped this time. $6.66 each.
J-MAN STORY CALL IS DEAD! (2024)
Cheers to the dead.
Going back to 2022, when I had the nebulous and strange encounter with the ‘company’ known as Meat Depot, I knew there was something odd about that day. Was a chance occurrence, with the salesman coming to my door while I was working from home. Couldn’t have been me. Yet I was blessed.
The story rotted and petrified in private salons, public open mics, and probably on BD/WD in some capacity. Other stories were getting published, new ideas were generated, and other commonalities were showing me The Meat Man had much more to give. On the Ides of March this year, you all bore witness to the creature of my desires. As of writing this, there is no clear future. At least not yet.
I am allowed to mourn. It will take some time to reconfigure why I do any of this. Determining who, if anyone, aligns with my lowbrow, beer-chugging, goofy antics of edgy teens and burned-out adults. But like any zombie with unquenchable bloodlust, it will soon rise again. My hands may grow cold without any of this heat, but I assure you, when I behold that flame again, it will be a raging inferno.
In honor of resurrection, here’s the transcript of the first Meat Depot annual conference for your enjoyment. Talk to you soon, in this life or the next.
*A vampire in a suit struts to center stage with a microphone stand. He is applauded by hundreds of ravenous zombies and mutants* Introducing…The Meat Man™! Meat Depot is thrilled to reanimate this horrifying creature into existence! The Meat Man has exciting features for 2024! Sharper meat teeth for superior gnawing power! Sturdier meat feet for ultimate lethargy! Longer meat stick for—I mean—arm! There’s two of ‘em! The Meat Man is evil dead! The Meat Man is criminally insane! The Meat Man is devoured by vermin! The Meat Man is the son of Meatwad! The Meat Man is the father of Super Meat Boy! The Meat Man can be you with enough hustle, loyalty, and respect! The Meat Man drives The Meat Van! The Meat Man takes The Meat Van on adventures! The Meat Man markets human meat to carnivorous ghouls and goblins! The Meat Man is the block captain of Drury Lane! The Meat Man has an exclusive contract with the Muffin Man! The Meat Man bakes Meat Depot meat into The Muffin Man’s muffins! The Meat Man’s only natural prey is Pacman! The Meat Man turns the ghosts red like the blood he shall soon spill! The Meat Man and Ms. Pacman turn Pacman into a cuckold on the final level! The Meat Man’s only natural predator is Slenderman! The Meat Man locks The Meat Van’s doors driving through Slenderman’s hood! The Meat Man carries a loaded Meat Pistol! The Meat Man and The Hat Man are notorious! The Meat Man and The Hat Man love Benadryl! The Meat Man and The Hat Man are in your room, just standing there, menacingly! The Meat Man dislikes the number of ‘men’ in the Justice League! The Meat Man becomes the chief and rebrands to The Just Meat League! The Meat Man court-martials Superman, Batman, and Aquaman without due process! The Meat Man claims that The Egg Man is not a walrus but a little bitch! The Meat Man fights The Egg Man on UFC 300! The Meat Man puts The Egg Man in a rear naked chokehold until he goes goo goo a’joob! The Meat Man is a vassal of Meat Depot! The Meat Man is forever loyal to Meat Depot! The Meat Man is the triumph of Meat Depot! The Meat Man…exclusively from Meat Depot! Embrace The Meat Man Effect! Now…let’s get bloody!